I was walkin through the jungle with a stick in my hand i said HEY MOTHA FUCKA i'm a congo man.
looked up in a tree and what'd i see? A mothat fuckin nigger tryin to piss on me.
I picked up a rock, I nailed him in the cock and that motha fucka ran 15 blocks.

In other news. I filled my tank the day before gas prices sky rocketed thanks to that son of a bitch storm. That makes me just about one of the luckiest lil buggers drivin around anywhere. I'm watchin a guy in some movie about these up north hicks hunting run around in shorts and a tshirt covered in porcupine piss. THIS is what happens when you see just about every movie Blockbuster has. Gotsa washout for sha porshupines! You grabs a porshupine you gets stucks wisha shtickers! If you don't know where to start, go back to the beginnin. Anythin free is worth savin up for. All good things come to those that shoot straight. Oh wow what a fuckin weird movie. I don't even know what it's called. Whatever.

So everybody is at college now and I've decided I need to get some money quick and go back or promptly hang myself with an extension chord from a tree back in the woods. U hung the chord to remind myself, but i didn't need to. Every time I wake up in this house to the sound of my mother yelling upstairs or the vacuum hitting my door i'm reminded. And Uncle Dennis makes damn sure he gets in his i-told-you-so's. That's enough bitter negativity.

I was sittin in the car with Trish today, not driving because of the fuckin gas shortage and we were talking about Mary being an aunt. So Trish says "What the fuck I want to be an aunt. Erin go pop one out right quick." And Erin calmly replied "Get a fucking puppy."
We went to Blockbuster tonight and Jimmy says "You guys said you'd watch small soldiers with me and now nobody will watch me me... wah wah wah" and I lovingly replied "Jimmy shut up you sound like a little bitch. You whine like that again i'll kill you in public and noone will mind because nobody likes a boy thats acts like a bitch."
"Hey Trish have you seen the remote?" "I DIDNT STEAL THE FUCKING REMOTE! WHYS IT ALWAYS ME? I SWEAR TO GOD ERIN I WILL RIP YOUR HEAD OFF"
Trish's faulty threat of the day: "I will hit you so hard it won't even hurt."

I can't believe it's September 1st already. I gotta go to county today and change my schedule already before school even starts. I'm gonna start spending my weekends in upstate NY with the bears just to get the fuck away from here. I'll get the other townies together and we'll run off and drink in my double wide trailer in the backwoods. WITH THE BEARS. And then I'll get eaten. And you'll be sad for a little while. Like oh wow hey Erin got EATEN BY A BEAR. And the DARE officers will use it as an example of why to stay in school and not drink in the middle of nowhere in the woods. And everyone will tell it like a funny story later in life when they're drinking in their kitchens and thinking back on the all-time fuck ups they ever met. And I'll be in pergatory saying cheers with an empty beer glass (because clearly the beer would all be in heaven). Oh and theres the sarcastic negativity there again. For shame, Erin. Mind yourself.

I need an apartment, a case of beer and a puppy. That's all i need. And my car. That's it. And some visitors because even with the puppy I'd get lonely. And I need everybody to come home. thats all i need. Just this. And this ash tray and this lamp. That's all i need. :(